So What Does It All Mean?
by Moonlight Enchantments
Summary: Reela set midseason 13. Inspired by the Jonny Was song of the title. Will Ray ever get the chance to show Neela his colourful life? Hmm, maybe going on a Roomie Roadtip will help? :DPLEASE STOP PUTTING SPOILERS IN YOUR SUMMARIERS! PLEASEEEEEEEEEE
1. Prologue

**A/N Yes, I'm back. Sorry for all the false pretences of what I thought was my last story. It wasn't to be, it seems, the muses had other plans! Anyway, it seems whenever Real Life gets hard I get ins****piration, so it's always a good thing for me to be able to write all those angsty feelings out into a story, and here it is!!! It's a Reela, obviously, set in the middle (ish) of season 13. I'm not really sure where it's set and it's kind of an A/U. Basically, all of season 12 happened, and the beginning of season 13. Neela is with Gates, Ray is with Katie (those relationships will be explained more in the chapter after this, don't worry) but I'm not sure whether Meg and Sarah are around, I'll see when I write!**

**I was inspired by the Jonny Was song "So What Does It All Mean" and decided to use the lyrics from that at the beginning of my chapters. This is the prologue, so it's short, and mainly just diary entries from Neela and Ray on the day they first met. I know Ray is unlikely to keep a journal, but I thought he might have an inspiration page as he writes songs, so I used a little artistic licence and just gave him a short journal too! I'll post the first chapter soon after this, and I hope you enjoy and please review!!!**

**So What Does It All Mean?**

_**The day I first met you,**_

_**Well I thought you quite funny**_

Neela's Diary

September 7th 2004

_Dear Diary,_

_Boring day, as usual. I was up really late last night studying, so I was probably a nightmare to talk to in work. Abby just kept thrusting coffee at me. The new int__erns arrived. They're all pretty... well, they're interns, it's not their fault they don't know the way round an ER. I guess I was the same. I get now why Greg and everyone were always hard on me, it's the only way to learn quickly. There's no time to be nice. There's one, Ray Barnett, who'll either get the furthest, or quit before the week is out. I'm not quite sure. He's got this cocky attitude that's either going to come to blows with Greg or Kovac and get him into trouble, or it'll make him a really great doctor. I don't know which it'll be yet. Abby wanted to take me out for drinks with her and a few others, but I was too tired, I didn't want to. A nice relaxing bath and bed is just what I need.

* * *

_

_**Your smile was a drug,**_

_**Your style was money**_

Ray's journal

_Doctor Rasgotra is hot. Totally not my type, and I'm defiantly not hers. But she's a good distraction. Doctor Lockhart is pretty hot too, but there's something about Neela. First day was fine, the ER's busy and all, but it's fun. Got a gig tonight, some new bar that Brett's been in talks with for years, or so it feels like. We've been doing pretty well in rehearsals, so it should be good. _

_Inspiration: jet black hair, British accents, rushing, blood, the El, strangers, first meetings

* * *

_

A few years had passed since Doctor Neela Rasgotra and Doctor Ray Barnett had first met. Their first impressions had changed and developed, as had their relationship. Though they didn't know it that first day of meeting, they were to become room-mates and best friends. Feelings and circumstances would separate them for a while and bring others into their lives. They could never forget each other, or forget how much they'd once meant to each other. Nothing more than friendship had ever been shared between them... except in their dreams of course. But dreams have a funny way of coming true no matter how much you think you've moved on.

**A/N Review!!!**


	2. Chapter One

**A/N The next chapter is up! I know you all love it! hehe. I think alerts are down, very annoying! But thanks for those who reviewed anyway!!! This is set in the present, whereas the prologue was the past! I'm sure you all got that anyway...**

Chapter One

_So what does it all mean_

_To find someone who makes you cry ins__ide?_

Alarm clocks. The invention of someone very very evil, surely. The shrill beeping pierces through any dream, tearing open eyes. But when the first thing you see in the morning is Neela Rasgotra you don't hate alarm clocks quite as much. That's how Tony Gates felt waking up one dull Chicago morning. He gave a smile at the sleeping figure beside him, still sleeping despite the annoying buzzing sound coming from her alarm clock.

"Neela," he whispered, "Your alarm clock is going off."

"Mmm," Neela mumbled, "I'm up, I'm up."

Tony chuckled. "Sure you are."

Neela opened her eyes, "Morning."

"Your alarm?"

"Oh... right." She turned over and switched it off. "That's better," she added.

"So, who sets their alarm when they have the morning off?"

"Someone who doesn't like to waste the day away sleeping," Neela said with a smile.

Tony grinned, "Well, we wouldn't want to waste any of your precious time, Doctor Rasgotra."

"You'd better not," Neela said, "I'm going to take a shower."

She climbed out of bed, grabbing a robe off the back of the door.

"I think I'll join you," Tony said, still grinning.

* * *

Across the city there was a couple who didn't have the time to be quite as leisurely. And yet they still were.

"Ray, we're going to be late!" Katie said, laughing as Ray jumped around the room trying to put his trousers on. She was already dressed, she had been for the past half an hour, she even had her coat on. "You're useless."

Ray gave her a grin. "I'll be ready in a minute. You go on if you want to."

Katie pretended to head for the door, but Ray grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. "You said I could go," she said, smiling up at him.

"Yeah well, you can't."

"You're such a kid!"

"I know, I know," he said, placing a kiss upon her lips. "But I'm adorable right?"

As Ray ran round the apartment looking for his van keys Katie leaned against the door studying his room. It was pretty usual for a guy. Messy, clothes everywhere, bits of paper strewn across the floor, a guitar leaned against the wardrobe. There were pictures in frames on the chest of drawers, she knew he'd been given them all as presents, it would never occur to Ray to go out and get pictures developed, never mind buy frames, but the fact he kept them on his drawers showed he cared about the people. There was one of his parents and him when he was about ten. One of him and his brother. A family shot at Thanksgiving. There was one of baby Joe that Abby had given to most of the ER staff. And then, not in a frame, just leaning against the mirror was one of him and Neela, a polaroid taken of them sitting on the sofa, her head leaning on his shoulder, him grinning, her with a small but contented smile.

Katie gave a smile. Ray certainly was adorable. Smoking hot she'd described him as once. And for the time being that was great. But she knew this wasn't forever. Right now he wanted her, but deep down she knew that she wasn't the one for him. There was a story she'd stepped unknowingly into, and she wouldn't stand in the way of it. For now though, Ray wanted her.

"You ready?" he asked, slightly breathless.

"Yes, I've been ready for hours!" Katie said, smiling and forgetting her previous trail of thought. The present was what was important. Not the past of the future. She closed the door to his room, glancing once more at the photos.

In the van they blasted music and sang along, as was their usual morning ritual. Ray smiled at the girl sitting next to him, singing her heart out. He liked her so much. But he knew there was more. He couldn't tell why he didn't feel more for her, he'd shared more with her than he had with... some people. But still a part of him held back. They'd been dating for two months, as far as the ER knew, though it had actually been closer to five months. He turned back to the road, and started singing. He didn't need to think about his feelings. And not thinking about certain people from his past would only help his feelings for the people in his present develop.

* * *

"It's great, I mean, I'm really happy, I am."

"But...?" Abby asked, shaking a sachet of sugar into her coffee. Her and Neela were sitting in a café round the corner from County, Abby was on a break and Neela had a bit of time before she started.

"But," Neela said, with a sigh. "It feels like there should be something... more."

"More? Like what?"

Neela shrugged, "I don't know. I'm making something out of nothing aren't I?"

Abby smiled, "It kinda sounds that way. Look, on what level is this "more"? Physical?"

"Definitely not," Neela said, blushing. "No it's... I don't know. It just doesn't feel... perfect."

"Perfect?" Abby laughed. "When have you ever had perfect?"

"I haven't... that's the point. Like you and Luka, you're perfect together."

"No, honey, we're not. We argue, we get on each others nerves. It's not perfect."

"But you're perfect for each other. It's not the arguments. It's... Oh I don't know what I'm talking about, just ignore me," Neela said, shaking her head.

"I will," Abby said, smiling. But the conversation kept haunting her thoughts. She had a feeling she knew what Neela meant. She had a feeling she knew who Neela was thinking about, even when Neela didn't know it herself.

* * *

"So Barnett, how are you?"

Ray gave Abby raised eyebrows over the chart he was updating. "Um... I'm alright. You?"

"Oh you know," Abby said, brushing off the question. "You and Katie are going out right?"

"Yes," Ray said, his face still a picture of puzzlement.

"I see. See you around then."

"Uh huh..." Ray shook his head at her retreating figure. What was with her?

"Barnett, I need you to sign off on this chart."

Ray's face turned into an instant scowl. Gates. Just what he needed. "I'm finished Gates, get someone else to do it."

"Aw come on man, you're here anyway."

Ray turned round, "I said get someone else to do it. I am not signing your chart, ok?" He knew he was being unnecessarily pissy, but there was just something about Gates that rubbed him up the wrong way.

Gates raised his eyebrow but didn't say anything, which only served to get Ray even more angry.

"You got something to say?"

"Nothing at all," Gates said, turning away from Ray. Ray slammed his chart down on the desk, just as Katie walked up with both of their coats.

"What was all that about?" she asked.

"Nothing," Ray said moodily.

"Right. Nothing." Katie shook her head. "What is it with you and him?"

"Nothing!" Ray repeated, even more angrily. "Look, you go on, I've got lots of paperwork to catch up on. I think I'll just eat dinner here. I'll see you later."

"Well..." Katie was going to protest, but saw how set Ray's jaw was as he stared furiously at the chart in front of him. "Fine. I see. I'll see you later."

"See you."

As she walked off Ray glanced up, feeling a little ashamed. He shouldn't have taken that out on her. He grabbed a pile of his charts, his coat, and headed up to the roof. He needed to get out of here.

**A/N Hope you liked! Review!**


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N Hello there! And thank you for all your lovely reviews, you're all way too kind! I'm glad you're enjoying reading this, because I'm really enjoying writing it. Also, just a note, if you have any queries or comments PLEASE sign in to say them because on a few of my stories now I've got reviews that were a bit... contrvetial maybe? Basically saying things they didn't like and such. I don't mind this, as they were all said in nice, non-flame ways, BUT I would really really like the oppurtunity to explain why I chose to do something in a certain way, or my own opinion on the comment. I wouldn't be mean, I'd just like the chance to explain. So, if there is anything in this story you disagree with or whatever, tell me, but do it when you're signed in so I can reply!**

**Rant over, hehe!**

Chapter Two

_Got the players on her team,_

_Oh how can I smile,_

_When all she did was say hi_

Ray sat on the roof watching the stars appear over the Chicago skyline. He loved this city. So many people must be out there, right now, living their lives. Petty arguments, couples meeting, parents putting kids to bed. He flicked through his journal. When he'd finished his charts he had run downstairs for his journal. He'd started keeping it at work since he was going out with Katie. He didn't want her accidentally finding it in his room. It was mainly little things he'd wanted to remember, in case he wanted to write a song about them, random anecdotes from the day. But just from those few lines a day he could go straight back to how he felt.

"_Inspiration: jet black hair, British accents, rushing, blood, the El, strangers, first meetings"_

He always came back to that day. Just reading it showed him how much he'd changed in the past few years. The entry was just about who was hot. It seemed so stupid now. Obviously, he still noticed who was hot, but that wasn't all he thought about any more. Katie was proof of that. She was definitely hot. But still he wasn't happy. He remembered a time when this would have been more than enough for him.

His stomach grumbled, reminding him he hadn't eaten yet. It was time to face County's cafeteria. Not a choice many people took willingly.

* * *

Neela picked up her tray and scanned the tables. There had to be somewhere to sit. She saw a seat next to Crenshawe, but there was no way she was sitting there. She walked to the left and saw a space, she hurried over, not noticing who else was sitting on the table.

"Is anyone sitting..." she trailed off as a pair of hazel eyes looked up at her. "Ray."

"Neela... um no, no-one's sitting here."

"Do you mind?" she asked.

"No, of course not," he cleared a space. "Sit down."

"Thanks. You've saved me from lunch with Crenshawe!"

Ray smiled. "Things not all glamorous up in surgery then?"

"Not quite. It's... tough."

"I'm sure you can handle it," Ray said. He blushed at the seemingly innocent comment. He'd said it innocently, but it portrayed a familiarity they just didn't have... any more. He looked down at his tray and started eating again. Neela followed suit, thoughts running madly through her mind. Why had he suddenly just stopped talking? She was sure she hadn't said anything...

They ate in silence for a while, neither of them looking at the other. Ray couldn't believe how fast his pulse was racing. Could she really bring out these feelings in him still? He'd seen her around sure but... not this close, not with his leg nearly touching hers. Neela couldn't help glancing at him. Her stomach was churning and she was only eating for something to do.

"How's Katie?" She choked out, asking the only question she could think of that would bring up the subject she was so intrigued by. Ray and Katie. Together.

"Um, she's fine..." he cleared his throat, and mumbled, "Gates?"

"He's... good."

Silence resumed again. Neither of them wanted to talk about their respective relationships. It didn't help that they'd both been having doubts about these relationships.

"Ray, I... I better go. But look, we should go out for a drink or something soon, catch up."

"Yeah, that'd be good," Ray said, thinking how unlikely that would be.

She smiled and got up. "I'll see you around."

"Bye Neela."

* * *

On his way out of the ER he passed Neela, down for a surgical consult. They both smiled, and he couldn't help glancing over his shoulder as she walked towards the elevator. He kept smiling until he heard; "Mayday!" being called, and saw Gates running up to her. She smiled and started talking to him as he leaned against the wall. Ray scowled and kept walking towards the exit, so he didn't see her glance his way. But Abby did.

"Barnett!" She called, running out into the ambulance bay.

"What's up Lockhart?" Ray asked, trying to seem light-hearted.

"So are you and Katie getting serious?"

"Um... I don't know. What's with all the questions lately?"

"I just..." Abby sighed, "Look, I know you still like Neela."

"What? No I don't! I never liked Neela!"

Abby gave him raised eyebrows.

"Ok, maybe at one point I might have... once... but I don't now!" he said, getting flustered.

"Sure. Look, I just... I think she likes you too."

"Ri-ight. Sure she does. That's why she's going out with Gates right?" Ray said sarcastically.

"Well why are you going out with Katie?" Abby asked.

"Because I like Katie!"

"So what's with Neela?"

"With Neela it's different. It's more. I mean... It's complicated ok? I gotta go."

"Ray, wait, come on, you can talk to me!" Abby called after him.

"No, I can't. There's nothing to talk about. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ray walked towards the El station. He'd wanted to stay here to calm down and get Neela out of his mind. But instead he'd simply got himself even more worked up. And Abby saying that Neela liked him... It was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. Right?


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N Hey there guys, the alerts are back on, woo!!! So I got a LOT of reviews, thank ya'll!!!! They all made me smile, I'm really glad you're enjoying this story as much as I am! I'm actually, for once, really proud of this!!!**

**Bit of a rating for this chapter, as there are shock horror swear words. But I'm sure you don't mind too much!**

**Reviews are always welcome!**

Chapter Three

_Then one day when he's gone  
I'll get my chance to ask you out  
and then I'll show my colourful life  
My colourful life_

"Neela, I swear this is the third double shift you've pulled this week."

"I'm sorry, it's just Crenshawe's always looking for a reason to get on at me, and I'm just trying to prove that I can..."

"Yeah, I know, I know," Tony interrupted, "Prove that you can be as good a surgeon as anyone. Neela, you don't have to prove that, you've shown it. Come on, come home with me."

"Tony, I can't. I'm sorry," Neela said, her mouth set in a tight line.

Tony sighed, "Fine. I'll talk to you later."

As he walked off Neela slumped against the wall. She hated herself sometimes. She wasn't pulling a double shift, she just wanted a quiet night at home, a phrase that seemed to be out of Tony's vocabulary. A quiet night in meant them together... not being exactly quiet. It wasn't like they _lived _together. They could have nights apart. Even when her and Ray had lived together they hadn't spent every night together, and she could easily go to her room and read a book if that's what she'd wanted. Except she hadn't ever wanted that with Ray. And Ray and her hadn't been going out...

* * *

Katie was sitting at the table in the kitchen eating a bowl of spaghetti when he walked in, slamming the door. The fact that his train had been delayed had not helped his mood.

"I see you're not in a better mood then," Katie stated. "I waited for you, but I got too hungry," she tried a small smile at this. When Ray didn't reply she added "There's still some in the pot, it should be warm."

"I'm fine, I ate at the hospital."

"Oh."

Ray went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. "You want one?"

"No, I have work tomorrow. As do you."

"So? Its just one beer."

Katie sighed, "That will lead to another one, especially when you're in this mood, I know what you're like Ray."

"No, Katie, you don't know me, not as well as you seem to think you do anyway."

"You know what Ray?" Katie said, putting her fork down, "Just because you're in a pissy mood does not mean you can take it out on me and I'm just going to stand for it. I am not that kind of person. I know it's nothing I've done, so I'm not going to try and apologise or suck up to your male ego. Just get over yourself why don't you, or better yet, get over _her_!"

Ray stopped in mid-action of raising the bottle of beer to his mouth. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

Katie shook her head. "Like you don't know who I'm talking about? Neela Rasgotra, you know, your old room-mate? The girl you're so totally obsessed with!"

"I am not obsessed with her, I'm not fucking obsessed with anyone. See this is what I mean, you think you know me, and you go round saying things like that and..."

"Oh right," Katie interrupted, "that's why you can't talk to her any more, why you look up whenever anyone even mentions her name, and that's why you hate Tony Gates so much. Because you _don't _like her. Sure Ray, I believe you."

Ray walked out of the kitchen and sat on the sofa, his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do. Katie knew, in fact, everyone probably knew. Neela probably knew. He just hadn't realised it himself. He'd thought, when she'd left and hurt him so bad, he thought he'd gotten over her. But he wasn't over her at all. Katie was right. But what the fuck was he meant to do about it now?

Katie walked through, "Ray, I'm sorry I shouldn't have... But you didn't really expect me not to notice did you?"

"I... I never really noticed myself."

"Oh."

Ray sighed. "I'm really really sorry."

"I know." She put her head on his shoulder, "What are we going to do with you? Look, Ray... I do like you, a lot. You know that."

"I like you too Katie. I really do, please don't think that I don't, I guess I'm just messed up right now..."

"I know. But Ray... I just, look, you're the longest relationship I've had since... well since high school. But I don't want to be second best. And I know that with you I'm never going to be the person you're thinking about most. That's not your fault it's just... life I guess."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I... yeah, I guess I am. It's been great, but I think we both know this is as far as it can go. Well, it's as far as it should go, given how both of us feel."

Ray nodded. "I'm really sorry Katie."

"Me too. I'll see you tomorrow ok?"

"Sure. At work."

Katie nodded, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek then left. Ray slumped back onto the couch. What was wrong with him? Why did everyone leave? His best friend, Brett, had left. His girlfriend, Katie. And Neela who was... his best friend, the girl he wanted to be his girlfriend... she was... well, she was Neela.

He got up and grabbed his coat and keys. This kind of thinking needed a lot more beer than what he had in his fridge.

* * *

Ray had gotten used to propping up bars during his early twenties. He and Brett had been the masters. But now he was getting scarily good at doing it on his own. He was one of those sad men he'd always laughed at, staring into the bottom of his beer bottle like it would hold the answers to all life's questions.

He was interrupted from a drunken exchange with the bartender on the price of beer -he could have sworn it has gone up by at least a dollar- when he heard a familiar voice.

"Well I used to be a paramedic, but I'm training to be a doctor now."

Ray turned and glared at Tony Gates, who was talking to a girl in a very short skirt. Ray could tell immediately from the way they were talking that Tony was flirting with her. What the hell was wrong with him? He had Neela and yet he was flirting with some other girl? If Ray was in his position...

"Gates! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Ray shouted, walking over to him, he was staggering a little, but he didn't care.

"Barnett? What business is it of yours? Go home, you're drunk, man."

"Does Neela know you're here?" Ray growled.

"I don't have to tell Neela everything you know, she's not my fucking mother, and you know what, neither are you."

"Fuck off Gates, why don't you? Just get the hell out of here."

"This isn't the ER, you can't tell me what to do here. So why don't you just get the hell out, before you embarrass yourself."

Before Ray knew what he was doing he had pulled his fist back and punched Gates, hard, in the face. Shaking his fist he said, "Just fuck off Gates."

He turned round to leave, but Gates got up and came after him, spinning him round and hitting him. He managed to keep his balance, some how, but when Gates came pushing into him they both went down, rolling round on the floor like a couple of kids. A couple of guys managed to pull them apart, but Ray managed to get one last hit in, and Gates fell, knocking his head off a table.

"Shit," Ray muttered, as he heard someone mentioning an ambulance.

* * *

Neela was just heading home when she bumped into Abby in the ambulance bay. "Bar fight," Abby said, "Apparently one was unconscious or something."

"Joy," Neela said with a smile, "Well, you have fun!"

Then the ambulance pulled up and both women stopped dead as Ray was helped out, holding an icepack to his head.

"Ray?" Abby said, astonished.

"What the..." Neela started, but then she stopped again as the next patient was helped out. "Tony?"

"Bloody hell..." Abby said.


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N I love all your reviews, keep them coming! And in reply to Alice's review, I know Americano's don't tend to say "bloody hell" buuuut, I thought they might have picked it up from Neela ;-)**

**Hope you enjoy...**

**p.s the "rep" talked about in the lyrics is Neela's "rep", Ray wishes he had a good rep like hers. I meant to write about that but otherthings came into instead! Enjoy...**

Chapter Four

"_I'd like to be like you_

_With a rep like yours my little honey"_

"Do you know how much of a fool you are Barnett?" Abby said as she patched up his cuts and bruises.

"I know, I know."

"Seriously, any chance you might have had with Neela, you've totally blown it now. You think you can just go round hitting people you don't get on with?"

"Abby! I know! Ok? Just... stop going on about it."

Abby's lips set in a straight line and the next daubing of alcohol was not given with a warning, making Ray wince and pull back. "Don't be such a baby Ray, if you can't handle the aftermath you shouldn't start fights in bars, should you?"

"Alright. I know. Look... hows Gates?"

Abby softened a little, "He's... fine, a bit shook up, and majorly pissed off, but he'll live."

"Good," Ray said. "I wouldn't want to go to prison over him."

"You know if he pressed charges you still could."

"Oh come on Abby, it was a fight, he's not going to press charges."

"I really hope he doesn't. Oh and Luka wants to speak to you."

Ray sighed. "Great. I'm going to get fired now aren't I?"

Abby shrugged, "To be honest, I really don't know."

"Gee, thanks for the positivity."

Neela and Tony were sitting in Exam 1, Tony was lying on the bed and Neela was holding his hand. Ray walked past and cursed himself, he should have known a stunt like that would bring out the caring side of Neela's personality and push them closer together.

"I'm sorry about this, but he just came at me," Tony was saying.

"What the fuck?" Ray muttered. He would have liked to have gone in there to tell Neela the truth but he knew she wouldn't listen to him and he'd probably only end up making things worse.

Neela glanced up and saw Ray walking past. "One minute Tony," she said, before walking out into the corridor and calling after him. "Barnett. What the hell were you thinking?"

Ray turned round with a sigh. "Look, Neela, I really don't want to talk about this with you."

"Well, you've got no choice, you can't just go round knocking people out and thinking there's no consequences."

"I know there are consequences Neela, I'm on my way to see Luka now. But I am not talking about this with you, because you have a _slight _bias, and I highly doubt you'll listen to my side."

"Your side?" Neela said indignantly, "Whatever reason you think you have, it doesn't justify hitting someone. And yes ok, so me and Tony are... seeing each other, but I would be just as angry if it had been anyone you had hit."

"Right, so it's just me?"

"No, I never said that... but Ray, I do care about you, and I hate that you'd make stupid mistakes like this!"

Both of them stared at each other for a few moments, taking a breath and trying to work out the meaning of what had just been said. "What..." Ray began, but Luka came out of the staff lounge.

"Ray, I need to speak with you."

"I... I'm just coming," Ray said, looking quizzically at Neela once more then turning to Luka.

Luka and Ray sat in the Doctors' Lounge, Ray with his head in his hands. He had a killing headache and he really wanted to take some painkillers and go to sleep. But he knew he had to face this mess now, before it got even more twisted. Neela was right, there were consequences.

"I'm really, really sorry Luka. I didn't mean to bring you into this."

"I take it from that you're not sorry that you hit Gates?"

"I..." Ray paused. In one sense Luka was his boss, but in a lot of ways they were friends. "No, I can't say that I am. He's a bastard, and he deserved it. But yeah, I know, violence isn't the answer and all that crap. But sometimes..."

"Ray, I understand, I do, I can hold my hands up and say that I've lost it before. Especially when jealousy takes over."

"I..."

"No, let me finish," Luka interrupted. "But, when its one of you colleagues things change. This wasn't just a bar brawl Ray, it was a fight between two of the people in my employment, and it was brought here. Which means I'm involved and I've got to act accordingly."

Ray sighed. "What's going to happen?"

"Well, you admit that you started the fight, but Gates did retaliate. I'm going to talk to Gates and persuade him not to press charges, it would be pointless as you could also press charges. But I'm counting on you to drop it, ok Ray?"

"Yeah, of course. It's finished," Ray said, even though he knew it really wasn't finished, not for as long as Neela was still with Gates.

"Ok. I wish I could leave it at that, but I'm going have to suspend you for a while."

"Suspend me? But..." Ray sighed. "No, I understand, man. Can I go now?"

"Yes. I am sorry about the way this has turned out."

Ray shrugged, "At least you didn't fire me." He walked to the door, then turned back, "Can I ask, what's happening to Gates?"

Luka looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, I had to take into account the fact he didn't start the fight and that he got a lot more injured... so he's on unpaid sick-leave."

"I see," Ray said, his jaw line tense. "I guess I'll see you around."

He went to the admit desk, asking Frank with a sullen tone "Have you seen my coat?"

Frank raised an eyebrow, "What am I, your mother?"

"Look, don't start Frank."

"Here." Ray turned round and saw Neela holding his coat in front of her. "They gave me both of your coats."

"Right. Thanks," Ray said, taking it. "I... I'm suspended."

"Oh Ray... I'm sorry."

Ray laughed, "No you're not. I hit him first, there's consequences. So, I'll be seeing you."

Just as he was about to walk out the door Neela shouted, "Ray, wait up." He turned round to face her. "Why did you hit him?"

"It doesn't matter."

"No, come on, if he deserved it so much you should tell me why."

"You wouldn't understand, and I just can't tell you," Ray said, turning to go again. But Neela grabbed his arm and looked up at him with her big brown eyes.

"Ray, please."

He sighed. "I... I saw him hitting on some other woman. And you're my friend so I got angry. I didn't think he should treat you like that."

Neela took a step back, "He was... what?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made a big deal out of it, I know, but I just... got mad."

"No I..."

He pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks," she said quietly. Then she pulled away. "I have to go speak to Tony."

Ray nodded, "Ok. I'll... call you or something."

Neela nodded, distractedly, then turned away. Ray walked out of the automatic doors, wondering if he would be back here any time soon.


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N Bit of a short chapter, but hopefully you'll enjoy, and see where the main plot of the story is going :D**

Chapter Five

_I'm not sure what I can do,_

_Just know that I ain't no fucking dummy_

Neela walked into the exam room where Tony was sitting on the bed.

"They said I could go home, since you'll be able to look out for any signs of concussion."

"I don't think I will be able to actually Tony."

He laughed, "Very funny, come on, my place or yours?"

"Neither. Don't you listen? I'm not going home with you," Neela said, firmly, her voice raising a little with anger.

"Um, have I missed something? What's wrong Mayday?"

"I spoke to Ray," she said, "He told me why he hit you."

Tony sighed, "And what pathetic reason did he give? Come on Mayday, it's obvious, he's jealous and he'd say anything to get you mad at me."

Neela nodded, "Right, so you weren't hitting on someone else tonight?"

"What? Is that what he said?"

"Yep. And you know what? I believe him. Because he was my best friend and I know he wouldn't hurt me. He admitted he was jealous and yeah, he has every right to try and hurt me, I've treated him like crap. But I know Ray and he would never hurt me."

"Neela, I..." Tony started but Neela held up her hand.

"I don't want to hear it. We're over Tony." And with that she stormed out of the room, relishing the fact that her slamming the door would not have helped Tony's head. Petty but true.

* * *

Ray went to the fridge and pulled out a beer. He was just about to open it when he had a brain wave. He pulled the rest of the pack out and let himself out of his apartment. It was probably a stupid idea, but hitting Tony had given him a taste for doing something he'd always wanted to.

* * *

Neela had just stepped out of the shower when she heard the door go. She quickly wrapped a towel round herself and hurried to answer it. She peered round the door, her hair still dripping, hoping she wouldn't see Tony standing on her doorstep. He'd left a couple of messages on her answer machine, but she'd just deleted them.

Ray was slouching against the opposite wall, looking casually cool as always, a pack of beer in one hand and a family-size bar of chocolate in the other. "Hey, I came round to apologise, and I brought peace offerings," he said with a sheepish smile. Neela's heart skipped a beat as he stood straight, he was so tall, and so... hot. Those eyes, that smile. Wow.

"You didn't have to, but of course, I won't say no," she said with a grin. She opened the door to let him in, forgetting she was just wearing a towel.

Ray's mouth dropped open a little as he saw her standing there, a white towel wrapped around her, her hair dripping on her shoulders in waves. She looked up at him with chocolate brown eyes and smiled conspiratorially. She'd changed so much since he'd first met her. She used to be shy, and a bit of a goodie two shoes. Now here she was, grinning at the prospect of a pack of beer and standing in front of him wearing only a towel. He couldn't help but be pleased a bit of his bad influence had rubbed off on her, as some of her good attitudes had rubbed off on him.

"What... Oh my god! Right, come in, sit down, I'm going to go put some clothes on," she said, hurrying off down the hall.

Ray chuckled to himself and sat down on the sofa, opening the chocolate.

Neela returned five minutes later in pyjama bottoms, fluffy bedsocks and a big baggy jumper. Her hair was still damp and she looked unbelievably cute. She was one of the only women that Ray could see as hot and cute. And no-one else managed to pull both off in the space of five minutes.

"Sorry I can't really be bothered getting dressed up, I am so tired it's unbelievable."

"That's ok. I just came by on a whim. I thought I could either get drunk by myself, or pop round, apologise a lot, and hope you'd let me watch t.v here."

Neela smiled, "There's no need to apologise Ray. I mean, I'm not condoning violence but... well, Tony's a twat so I guess it's not that bad."

Ray laughed, "Wow, you don't know how pleased I am that you've finally realised that. I have never liked that guy you know."

"Yeah, you did make it a little obvious," Neela said, reaching for a beer.

* * *

A couple of hours later Neela was sitting on the floor pointing fiercely at Ray, "And you know what else takes the bloody piss? I have the next two weeks booked off because we were going to go on a road trip or something. Oh god, what the hell was I thinking?"

Ray smiled, "I do not know."

Neela out her head in her hands, "Oh god... these next two weeks are going to be appalling aren't they? I don't even have work to distract me."

"Hey, I've got an idea, why don't we go on a road trip?"

"What?" Neela said, laughing, "Us?"

"Yeah, why what's wrong with me?" Ray asked cheekily.

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... well, do you have time off?"

Ray raised his eyebrows, "Neela, I got suspended."

Neela slapped her hand over her mouth, "You did! Well... where would we go?"

"We would..." Ray paused to think for a minute, not an easy task given that his head was swimming and he was swaying slightly. "We'd go visit Brett and the guys in California! We could both use a holiday, it'd be sunny and cheap and... Well, yeah!"

Neela frowned at him. "You know, this actually sounds like a plan. Do you think anyone would mind?"

"Who would we have to tell?"

"That's... true. Ray. Let's do it."

Ray grinned, "I thought you'd never ask."


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N Writing this chapter made me really really happy. It's just cheered me right up! Hope it does the same for you guys!!!**

**I've included some Carpenters lyrics, because I'm in a Carpenters phase at the moment, and they just seemed to fit!!! The first lot is from the song "Superstar" and the second lot if from "On top of the world"**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Six

"_So what does it all mean_

_To try so hard to get the right words out"_

Ray winced as Neela slammed the van door shut. "Ow, head," he mumbled.

Neela glared at him. "I can't believe you're making me do this."

"You said you would come with me," he said with a smile, trying to ignore her glares.

"But I was drunk at the time, also your fault. I didn't _mean _it."

"Well, you shouldn't say things you don't mean." He switched on the CD player, thinking the music would probably hurt his head less than Neela's nagging. He wasn't sure, but after a morning of quarrelling he was pretty sure he'd made the right decision. Neela slumped moodily against the seat, fastened her seatbelt and glared out of the window.

Their road trip wasn't getting off to the best of starts.

When Ray had called round the next morning, his bag packed and the van filled with "road-trip goodies" Neela had practically closed the door in his face. He'd spent the next five minutes knocking and shouting loudly in the hallway, until she let him in. Then he'd had to force his way into her room and start messily packing a bag for her before she couldn't stand it any longer and had packed one herself. It had been that or be dragged on a trip with Ray's version of packing which was a lot of lingerie and not much else.

Though Neela had to admit, now that she was sitting here watching Chicago go passed, she was secretly pleased. Of course she'd never let Ray know that, she knew only too well that if she let him off with this things would only get worse. But she was glad to be sitting there with him, even if he was humming annoyingly and drumming his fingers against the steering wheel.

"So," Ray said, a little nervously in case he got his head chewed off, "You excited?"

Neela tried not to smile, but glancing over he saw the corners of her mouth turn up.

"Ooooh!" he exclaimed, "You are, aren't you! You're excited! Aha!"

Neela cursed inwardly. He would never let her get over this, she could hear him now "I was the one who cheered you up".

"Alright, alright," she said, trying to calm him down, "Yes I am a little excited. But only because I've never been to California. And I'm looking forward to seeing Brett."

Ray paused, "Brett?"

Neela glanced sideways at him. And burst out laughing at the look of surprise on his face. "You're face is a picture!"

"Hey, I'm meant to be the immature one, I'm the one who does the teasing," Ray said with a mock pout.

Neela felt her heart flip. That pout. He was so scrummy. She often found herself just looking at him and thinking "Wow. You're hot."

"Wow," she felt herself saying, before she could stop herself. "You're... um, you're right. You are immature..." She knew she was blushing badly, but she hoped he wouldn't notice as he was driving. She couldn't believe she'd nearly said he was hot. Now that was something he really wouldn't ever let go.

* * *

They stopped at a road-side café, like all those ones she'd seen in movies, and ordered coffee.

"But you don't even like coffee," Ray had said.

"Yeah, but that's what you do in these places."

He gave her a look as if she was slightly crazy, but shrugged. Then he got his map out and started getting all excited. "We could go to Salt Lake City, and San Francisco, oh or we could go to Las Vegas."

Neela smiled at his excited face. She was pretty sure getting suspended wasn't meant to be this much fun. But of course he was excited, he was getting to see all his best buddies again after months.

Of course she didn't realise that he would include her in that list. Ray was happy to be seeing Brett and the guys, he knew they'd click back into their old routines. Neela though, that was what he was most excited about. He was getting to spend the next two weeks with Neela. There was no way out of this, he wasn't coming back to Chicago until he'd told her how he felt. And if she ran away again well, that was just a risk he had to take. He had to know now. But he'd put a bit of effort in first, try to smooth over the cracks, fix their friendship back up. Then, maybe just maybe, there'd be less likelihood that she'd run.

"We'll go through Las Vegas, you have to see Las Vegas. It's immense."

"Immense?" she said with a laugh.

Ray raised an eyebrow, "I can say immense."

"Ri-ight, you going to revert back to calling everyone Dude now that we're seeing Brett?"

"Might do," Ray said sulkily. When he glowered at her Neela stuck her tongue out. "Right come on, let's go. We're going to have to find a Motel anyway, may aswell cover as much distance as we can before then."

When they were back in the van Neela fished around in her bag, before pulling out a CD. Ray paled, "No way, what is that?"

"You'll have to let me put it on to find out."

"No, I don't want to know that badly, I can guess. I don't want to listen to your music Neela, your music sucks."

She gave a mock-shocked look, but she knew he'd protest. She also knew she'd wear him down. "Come on, just this one CD and the whole rest of the journey you can have yours."

Ray paused. He knew she was lying. She'd make him put other CDs on too, or change the radio station. But there was those eyes looking at him. Everyone always accused him of having puppy-dog eyes, but Neela was just as bad. In fact, he noticed she was even fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"You're fluttering your eyelashes!"

"Am not!" she said, "But if I was would you let me listen to my CD?"

Ray sighed, "Fine, put it on." He tensed as the first few lines of guitar came out. But it wasn't _that _bad. Not his cup of tea, as Neela would say, but it was alright. "So who is it?"

"The Carpenters. Come on, you must have heard of them?"

_Long ago, and oh so far away, I fell in love with you before the second show..._

Ray cleared his throat and tried to concentrate on driving rather than the lyrics.

"Ray? Have you heard of them?"

"I... what?"

"Oh never mind," Neela said, puzzled. She chewed thoughtfully on a gummi bear. "So um... is Katie working?"

"I think so," Ray said quietly, his body frozen. Why had she brought Katie up? He supposed it had only been a matter of time, the last Neela knew he and Katie were a happy couple. "We broke up. That's why I was in the bar that night." Well, that had been one of the reasons.

"Oh Ray, I'm sorry."

"No it was... it was alright." He smiled, "I guess we both deserve some fun this week huh?"

"Yeah, we really do. But I hope Brett's apartment doesn't have as thin walls as ours had," Neela said, jokingly. Then she wanted to hit her head against the dashboard. Why on earth had she said that? There were so many things wrong with that sentence. First of all she had referred to their apartment like they'd been married or something, and then she'd brought up Ray's antics with various groupies. Now he knew that she'd heard. And she'd suggested that's what they'd be doing this week, in a way that hadn't suggested any of the jealousy she knew she'd feel if he did bring some girl back with him. It was a really really complicated situation. On one hand, she didn't want him to think she liked him, it would make everything weird. But on the other, there was always a tiny hope she had in the back of her mind that he might like her a little bit too, and she didn't want to put him off.

If she could have, she would have held her head in her hands in despair. What to do, flirt and possibly make a fool of herself, or leave well alone and pretend like she wasn't interested and possibly miss her chance. Of course that was a very small chance. No, Ray didn't think of her that way. There was no point even bothering with flirting. She was being stupid.

"Yeah. I better phone him when we get to the Motel."

"Don't tell me you haven't phoned him?"

"Um... of course I have," Ray lied smoothly, "I just want to check on the thickness of the walls."

* * *

Later that night they were sitting on their beds, flicking through the limited range of channels. Though it was an extortionate amount to get two single rooms it had been the same amount to get a double as a twin-bed. So unfortunately Ray's movie-inspired plans of them sharing a double bed hadn't quite gone to plan. But at least they were sharing a room.

"So Neela, I... look, I just wanted to..." Come on Ray, get a grip of yourself, just _tell _her. "I... wanted to tell you... I haven't called Brett."

He winced as he felt her glaring at him. "What?"

"Well I didn't really see the point, and it was all a bit short notice so... It'll be fine though."

"It better," she said. "Because there is no way we're going to go all that way then end up back in Chicago."

Ray tried to see the good in this situation. He knew she was just being grouchy because she was tired and they'd arrived too late for the Motel's dinner buffet. But he couldn't help feeling that maybe she was angry at him, for some reason.

Then he heard a sigh "Sorry Ray, I shouldn't take this out on you. I'm just a bit pissed off at the minute. You ever get that, when you're pissed for no real reason?"

"Yes," Well, he thought he had, but it kind of seemed as though a lot of that had been based around his feelings for her.

She rolled over and faced him, "Come on, I've got an idea. Let's play poker!"

Ray grinned, he couldn't help it, he was just overcome with a happiness. "But we don't know how to play poker."

Neela picked up the pack of complimentary cards from the night stand. "Well, we'll learn. Or, if all else fails, we can play snap."

_And the reason is clear its because you're near, _

_you're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen, _

_I'm on top of the world_


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N A nice fluff-filled chapter. I've realised most of this story is pretty fluffy, which is good :D I hope you all agree!!! And enjoy!!!**

Chapter Seven

_Well I wish I could come clean_

_I've given my all but I have my doubts_

"Oh oh oh!" Neela exclaimed, giddily jumping up and down in her seat. "How apt is this!"

Ray laughed and shook his head at her childish grin. The song "California" by Phantom Planet had just come on the radio. She began to sing along and with a shrug he joined in.

"California here we comeeeee," Neela wailed, not caring for a minute if she was out of tune, which she knew she would be. It felt great to be like this, not caring what anyone thought of her. Only Ray was in the car, and right at that minute she didn't even worry what he thought. Sometimes she could be a bag of nerves around him, especially when he was looking hot. But as they'd gotten to know each other that had grown significantly less and she'd grown comfortable around him. Of course there were still moments of awkwardness but it was for different reasons. She never felt he was judging her, they were only awkward because of the things they'd gone through together. And apart, she thought sadly.

She glanced at him and saw him looking at her with a small smile. She wondered what that smile meant. Did he think she was crazy or did he think it was kind of cute? She looked out the window, hoping she wasn't blushing. Why on earth would she want him to think she was cute? Yes he was hot, yes he was kind, yes he was perfectly amazing in many ways. But he was _Ray, _her ex-room-mate, her best friend at one point, she _knew _him. She _knew _he would never think about her in that way, and letting herself think about him... well that was just leading to dangerous territory.

"How long do you think we've got now?"

"Um," Ray said distractedly, he'd been absent-mindedly casting slightly longing glances at her, hoping she wouldn't notice. Now that he was called to answer a question he realised he hadn't listened to what she'd said. "Sorry what?"

"How long do you think it will be till we get there?"

"Oh, I'm not sure really... I hope we'll get there tonight, it'll be late and all but I don't mind driving."

"Hey come on, let me do some of it," Neela said.

Ray grimaced, "I've seen your driving, I'd rather drive."

Neela feigned a hurt look, "Ray Barnett, how dare you!"

"Sorry but it's true!" Ray said, chuckling.

"Ooooh, you're going to regret that when we get there. I'm gonna tell Brett all kind of stories about how boring and uncool you've become!"

"Don't you dare," Ray said, trying to glare, but laughing too much to really make an effort.

* * *

Ray pulled up to a small wooden house at about 2am. Neela was leaning against the window, looking extremely cute as she slept. They were about five minutes away from the beach and as Ray checked his map he was pretty sure this was the right house. He listened for a minute and was sure he heard the sounds of guitars and maybe even a drum kit. Yep, this was definitely the right place.

"Neela," he whispered, "We're here baby." His eyes widened at his slip-up. Good god, what the hell was wrong with him. He needed to get it into his head that it was never going to happen. The most he could hope for was that they had a bit of a heart to heart and got back to being friends. More than that should be reserved for dreams only. Luckily she was dead to the world and took several more minutes of shaking to rouse her.

"Ok ok, what is it?"

"We're here!"

Her eyes widened in surprise, "What? But I was going to drive!"

"You fell asleep," he said with a smile, "Don't worry about it, come on, let's go."

Neela couldn't help but smile at his obvious excitement to see all his old friends. "Come on then. They'll kill us for not calling."

Ray raised his eyebrows at her.

"Oh, yeah, it's _Brett, _not normal people we're visiting."

* * *

Brett heard the door going and headed to answer it with a twenty dollar bill. He was hoping the food had finally arrived, he was starving. But when he opened the door to see Ray Barnett standing there he was even happier than any Pizza-guy could have made him.

"Oh my god Barnett!" he said, pulling Ray into a hug, which they both laughed off. "What the hell?"

"I thought I'd come visit. I brought a guest," Ray said, pointing behind him to where Neela stood, with a small smile.

"Dr Neela!" Brett exclaimed, "Fuck me, I didn't expect you. Come here." He pulled her into a hug as well. "Come in come in, oh my god, the guys are gonna be so pleased to see you. We're just having a bit of a session," he grinned, "I guess you know the drill."

Neela and Ray exchanged glances, everything was how they'd expected it. They followed Brett into the lounge where they greet with surprise and warm smiles. When they were both sitting down Brett chucked them both a beer.

"So what brings you two here?" Brett was very intrigued to see them together when he'd last heard from Ray that they'd fallen out.

"Well, I um... got suspended, and Neela had some time off so we decided, slightly drunkenly I guess, that we'd take a road trip."

"You got fucking suspended?" Brett said, almost choking on his beer. "What the..." he looked at Neela, "Sorry, language right Doctor Neela, um, what did you do?"

Ray looked sheepish, "I hit a guy."

"A patient?"

"No, another doctor. An intern." Brett noticed him glancing at Neela.

"Were you jealous Barnett?" Brett said, laughing.

Ray looked steely, "No, it wasn't... I... he..."

Neela interrupted, seeing Ray struggling. "He and I were going out, Ray saw him hitting on some other girl and hit him."

"Ah right," Brett said, taking in the fact that it probably had been jealousy that had led Ray to hit the guy, and the fact that Ray and Neela still weren't together. "So you two..."

Ray looked flustered again, "What? No, we're... I mean... oh fuck, I'm getting a beer." He got up, downed most of the bottle he already had and headed for the kitchen. Brett followed him.

"Hey man, I'm sorry, I was just..."

"No no, it's fine," Ray said, shaking his head. "It's still a bit weird, that's all. I really don't want to lose her again, I don't want her to..."

"To know you're totally and absolutely in love with her?" Brett filled in.

"No... Well, fuck, yes. Please don't let on about anything, ok? We've only just started to get back to where we used to be. And I really can't cope with losing her again."

"I know. But seriously, you two should be together, and..." seeing Ray's pained expression Brett stopped, "Well, you know how I feel about that. Anyway, if you're not with Neela is there someone else?"

Ray shook his head, "No, I was with this girl called Katie, she was great. But, you know, it just didn't work out."

"I see," Brett said, knowing that Ray was still just as messed up over Neela as he had been when he'd left. "Well, we'll have to remedy that. We've got a gig tomorrow, you gonna come?"

Ray knew it would be weird being at a gig and not playing, but he nodded, "Definitely."

They headed back to the others, Ray hoping his flaming face hadn't given him away. He really didn't need his old feelings over Neela messing him up again. He was beginning to realise that, despite his best efforts, they had never really gone away.


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

_Then one day when he's gone,_

_I'll get my chance to ask her out,_

_And then I'll show my colourful life_

"Right well, we've got a gig tomorrow so we'd better get an early night," Brett said, getting up. Neela glanced at the clock and chuckled as she saw it was after 3am.

"Where should we sleep?" Ray asked, stifling a yawn.

"Um... we've only got the sofa bed free," Brett said, "I can get you some sheets and stuff."

Ray glanced at Neela "Um, don't you have anywhere else?"

"Sorry man."

Neela shrugged, "It's fine, honestly."

"I'll sleep on the floor, you can have the bed."

"Ray, it's fine," she said, smiling, "Seriously, you drove the whole way, I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor."

Ray smiled a little and got up to get the sheets from Brett. Everyone else said their good nights and made their way to various bedrooms. When Ray came back Neela was just changing into a big t-shirt.

"Shit," he said, in the doorway, "I should have knocked."

"No, it's fine, I shouldn't have been lazy, I should have gone to the bathroom or something."

Both laughed nervously. Ray unfolded the sofa bed and put the sheets on it. Neela then pulled the sheets out properly, tut-ing at Ray's attempts. She climbed in and tried to act as if she wasn't watching when Ray pulled off his jeans and t-shirt.

"You know, I think I'll just sleep on the floor," Ray said.

"No, it's fine," Neela said, trying to keep her gaze on his face and not elsewhere.

"Ok," Ray said, slipping into the bed, but trying to stay as close to the edge as possible. "Night then."

"Night," Neela said, turning on her side. God, she thought, hoping he hadn't heard the tremor in her voice.

When Brett made his way downstairs in the morning he couldn't help but grin. Ray and Neela were both lying in the centre of the bed, her head was on is chest and his arm was around her.

He cleared his throat "Good morning!"

Neela opened her eyes, wondering where she was. Then she sat up quickly, "Oh bloody hell! I'm really sorry Ray!"

Ray sat up, looking equally as troubled, "No no, it was... bloody hell," he repeated. Neither could look at the other.

"Good night?" Brett asked, chuckling.

"Shut up Brett," Ray muttered.

Later on they were all eating fries in a beach-side bar before the gig, the awkwardness had mostly past, but Ray still couldn't forget the feeling of being that close to her. He watched the waves crash onto the sand and tried to steel himself to talk to her. He knew he'd have to do it soon, otherwise too much time would have passed and it would be even more awkward. He glanced behind him to where she and Brett were standing at the bar, waiting for drinks. His heart leapt with jealousy as she playfully hit him on the arm. She was wearing a denim skirt, flip flops and an ankle bracelet and a pretty top, totally beach chic. And of course she looked gorgeous.

Neela turned her head as she felt someones gaze on her. Ray looked back towards the ocean, and she couldn't help but feel upset. She wanted to catch his gaze, but he wouldn't, not since this morning. That had been so awkward. Even in her subconscious she was trying to get as close to him as she could.

"Would you just tell him? Or better yet, just go over there and jump him."

She turned back to Brett, "What? Who?"

"Ray, you dummy. Its totally obvious to everyone apart from the pair of you that you are meant to be, you know, fate and all that crap. You're like soul mates or something."

Neela glanced back over at her ex-room-mate. "We're not soul mates."

"You're the nearest damn thing I've seen. Seriously, do yourselves a favour, be happy with each other for once."

"No, there's too much history... I don't want to risk our friendship when we only just got it back."

Brett sighed. "It will be worth it Dr Neela, I promise you."

"I... I don't know..." she looked at Brett then back at Ray. He was leaning against the railings, and he just looked so sad. She'd do anything to take the sadness out of his eyes. But she didn't want to make him more sad... she just didn't know what was for the best.

"Well, I do, so go on."

Maybe she should start listening to everyone else. They all seemed to think that it would work out. And she couldn't think of anything better than to wake up with Ray every morning like this morning. She walked over to the railings.

"Penny for them," she said, then cursed at her stupid first words. Maybe she should have just jumped him, it would have left out some of this awkwardness.

"Huh?"

"It's just a saying... um, what you thinking about?"

He shrugged, "I don't know." He glanced down at her, and took a breath. "I'm... thinking about us actually."

"That's funny, me and Brett were just talking about us."

"You were?" he looked puzzled. "What... were you saying?"

She shook her head, "What were you thinking first?"

"I was thinking... look I know we've had a lot of... problems. And it's been a really rocky road but... I really really value your friendship. I meant what I said, the day you moved out, you're the best friend I've ever had. You're the first person who has cared enough about me to not put up with any of my crap. You've made me a better person and I really don't want to ever lose you, ever again." He sighed, "That's... it I guess. Wow that's a load off my chest, I've wanted to say that to you for forever."

She felt her throat close up and she knew there were tears in her eyes. He meant so much to her too. More than she could ever say. "Ray I... you're the first person to annoy me so much, and you're also the first person to look for more in me than I showed everyone. You found more in me than I knew was there. And even when I tried to push you away you were still there, always looking out for me. You've always been there for me, and all I want now is to be there for you. I..." she paused, searching for the right words and the courage to say what she wanted to say next. "I value your friendship more than... anything, and I don't want to risk that but..."

She saw the pain flash through his eyes.

"I think this is a good but," she said with a smile.

"I hope so," he said.

"But..." She continued, "I think... well everyone says that... Ray... I love you. I've tried to hide from that fact and run away from you so that I wouldn't hurt people. But all I ended up doing was hurting us. Hurting myself I could deal with, but I never wanted to hurt you. And now... I don't know what you think or if you have ever felt the same way but... I had to say it."

Ray did the only thing he could think of, he lifted her face with his hand and kissed her. It was a kiss filled with passion and love. It was an extremely long-awaited kiss.

When they broke apart he grinned. "That was definitely a good but."

**A/N FINALLY! Not only a long-awaited kiss, but a long-awaited chapter!!! Well that's all for now folks. I think I'm going to do an epilogue though. Simply because... I feel like it. Hehe! Reviews pleaseeee**


	10. Epilogue

**A/N Hey, it's short. But sweet I guess. Enjoy.**

Epilogue

"I'd like to thank everyone for coming today. I know a lot of you have waited for this to happen for a few years... I'd definitely be one of those people."

Everyone laughed and Neela continued with her speech;

"I just wanted to say how much I want to thank all of you who tried to tell us to get our acts together. We finally listened. And the past three years have just been... amazing. So thank you."

Ray looked up at his new wife, standing so confidently talking to a large room of people. She had changed so much, and he knew that some of that was because of him.

She glanced down at him and he added, "Yep, thanks everyone. Especially Hope, for helping us to organise this. Its been the best day of my life and... well, it's not over yet, so let's dance hey?"

He stood up and lead Neela onto the floor.

"I love you, forever," he said.

She smiled. "Forever."

The past five years since they'd met had been a roller-coaster. Neither of them would have known, writing about the other in their journals, that they would eventually end up getting married. No-one would have guessed, but over the years everyone hoped.

Ray sang softly along with the song as they danced. "I wrote this for you, you know."

"You did?"

"Yes. Back when I was confused about it all. But I've got it clear now. I know why I'm here, what I'm meant to do."

"And what's that?" she asked quizzically.

"To make you happy," he said, spinning her.

"Gee, that's good," she said, laughing.

"I really love you."

"I love you too Ray. Roomie."

He grinned, "Roomie."


End file.
